Lean Back

My thought for the day comes from the venerable Mary J. ...

"Just take me as I am or have nothing at all"


I know...its been awhile. I promise to do better, blogworld.


You know, as you grow up, lessons get learned...painful lessons. These are lessons that hurt, but ultimately help...because like all gems, a little friction is needed for them to shine more beautifully. I keep telling myself this so that I can look beyond the learning for the lesson involved.

My lesson for right now seems to be learning who I can trust...I have to remember that even though I tend to be an open person who shares all of what makes me tick (including my shortcomings and insecurities), others aren't always like that...and even worse yet, there are people out there who cannot stand the sight of a happy, contented soul and will do whatever they can do to crush joy. Even if it means preying on the aforementioned insecurities.

If anyone out here knows me, you know that at times I have had issues with my self esteem...I don't always consider myself attractive. Even though my family tells me that I am pretty. Even though I have a "friend" who tells me that I'm gorgeous. I still wake up some days and think "ugh".

But I have made my peace with that...I am slowly getting over it. But what I cannot get over is when people that I thought were in my corner strike out and try to undo the effort I have made to be unequivocally in love with myself.

I know...no one can make me love or not love myself. It is up to me...but it is still hard not to internalize what other people think of me.

I cannot make people love me. I cannot make people accept me for who I am. I cannot force people to understand and appreciate the woman that I have become. But what I can do is lean back. Observe from a distance. Not be so eager to share all of me straight out. Because what I have learned is that the people who deserve to be in my inner circle will show themselves eventually...and the rest will lean back and fall by the wayside.