I Want A Me Thinking Of You Thinking Of Me Type Love...

Hello blogworld.

This might be a strange, TMI way to start this blogging experience, but I truly do miss being in love.

Now let me explain. I can be quite the hopeless romantic...I am a poet, and I think loving happy endings is quite the stuff of sappy poems, but I truly do miss being part of a twosome. I miss dinner dates and long walks holding hands...i miss having a surefire companion for the theatre and dances and such...I miss going on double and triple dates with friends.

I want to fall in love, and part of that process means differentiating love from sex in a world where they tend to go hand in hand...sex just isn't something I'm interested in at this point in my life (weeelll....LOL). Thats a depth that I can't do, not until I am married, and while a lot of guys in my age bracket TALK a good game and say that they can handle falling in love with a person who practices abstinence, they either cannot, or else they don't take me seriously and believe that with time and a few well placed words, the boy briefs will come flying off. (Excuse my crassness, but if I can't be real on here, then damnit, where can I be?)

What people have to understand is that I grew up around both the best and the worst examples of men...on one hand you have my absentee father, who took it upon himself to declare a do-over and pretend I never exsisted (God Bless him anyway)...and then you have my grandfather and my uncle, both strong, hardworking, upstanding men who worked/work their behinds off to make sure that the people that they love have the best of everything. I am a better woman because of all three of them, and it is because of them that I have such a stringent idea of what I can and cannot deal with when it comes to who I choose to love.

I must have intelligence, spirituality, faithfulness, reliability, honesty, respect, a conscience, a deep and profound love for life and the people who inhabit it, and a sense of worldly wisdom. The rest is just icing.

So, to answer all of the friends and associates who wonder how hard it must be to be a 21 year old virgin...yeah, its hard...but I imagine it must be even harder to be in a relationship in which toes stay curled and sheets stay being clawed at, but thats where the magic ends. It is the nature of an only child to want it all or to not want it, and this is one of the few areas of my life where I choose to be choosy. I would love to be married with a child by 30, but unless I can have that "Me Thinking of You Thinking of Me" type love, that nuturing, secure, all around satisfying, everything I've ever wanted love that my grandparents and some of my friends and some of the adults that I look up to the most have...well I don't want it.