Be Still...He Is Speaking...

Thought for the day: "Be still and know I am God"

It's been awhile since I have blogged on here...and life has indeed been busy. I have been running around, trying to wrap my head around all these different things happening...but today is my day to be still and listen to what God is trying to tell me.

I feel like God is a whisper at first...He gently speaks into our spirits, trying to get us to perk up and listen without exerting too much energy; energy that could be better spent doing other things. But us humans are hardheaded...we hear His voice and feel those subtle nudges, and for whatever reason, we don't listen.

And thats when God, like the Daddy He is, has to yell to get our attention.

God has had to raise His voice at me a little, lately. For several different things.

I guess the first thing has to do with school, again...or rather, work and school.

I started college directly out of high school...which in hindsight probably wasn't the best idea...not because I wasn't intelligent and academically prepared...I was and I am. I just wasn't mature enough to go away from home and start trying to live on my own based on what I knew then. I was sheltered and naive, and it was those qualities that landed me at what turned out to be a party school, miserable as all get out. I didn't understand at the time how to stay focused on me. I didn't understand that being ostracized hurts, but it is not as bad if you are alone because you are following the path that you know is right. It took me coming home to learn this.

I want to go back to school, but I found a steady job, and it was never the right time. Deadlines passed without my knowledge, or other circumstances took place, and I kept saying "okay, next semester I'll go back" But more and more, God is telling me that NOW is the time for me to finish what I started.

I think it first started as a whisper...when I wasn't happy with the methodology used in my classroom...when a co-worker said something to rub me the wrong way...when I sat in a staff mtng and listened to a woman who has plenty of early childhood experience from textbooks and from behind cushy office desks but NONE from in the classroom lecture me and my fellow teachers on developmentally accurate curriculum...this was God whispering..."you don't belong here...if you got your degree, you could have your own classroom and try your own methods."

Then He whispered a little louder when I read an announcement in the paper about a school district in MD having a teacher recruitment fair next month, a fair at which they plan to hire 100+ new teachers on the spot..."had you finished on time, you could be graduating in May with a job offer already under your belt...get it together so you can take advantage of the next opportunity!!"

But here is the kicker...last week my job started cutting hours...I haven't been affected...yet. My job and my hours are still intact. But out of the three other teachers in my classroom, 2 have had their hours cut and the other has been on leave with a back injury the past two weeks, so truthfully, she might be coming back to some news as well...nobody knows...God is making it very plain that I am not where I belong...that I need to go back to school and get my degree so that if, in this uncertain economy, I ever were to lose my job, I could go to another school district with confidence and start anew.

God. Is. Speaking. And I am going to be still and listen, and I am going to finish what I started.

The other issue is the house. I admit that I was becoming exasperated with my mother, because I was trying to be supportive and proactive about this move and I felt like I was trying to herd mosquitoes...all my efforts were futile. But in the midst, God was speaking...He was working on my mother's mind and her heart, and frankly, He didn't need my help.

She has gone from doing absolutely nothing, from taking a "lets bow our head and see what happens" kind of approach, to truly being fired up. She has signed up for a home ownership readiness seminar, is researching properties, making wish lists, getting her credit reports, making preparations to go to the bank and get her money thing straight...everything. And I am sitting back, and I am allowing myself to dream about walking into a house that is OURS, and deciding that I want to change the color of the baseboards in my room to FLAMINGO PINK and knowing that I don't have to ask anyone's permission, and knocking a nail into our living room wall one day to hang a piece of artwork...and in my dream no one can barge in and say no to any of these things because it is OURS and they have NO SAY. But what I am not doing is getting frustrated with my mom...because this was a process that was between her and her Daddy...it was not my battle to fight.

God. Is. Speaking. And she was still and she listened, and she is doing all that God told her that she could do.

So with all the situations in my life, with all that is changing, with the fact that I will more than likely see Memorial Day from the window of a new home, with the fact that I will be pursuing my degree in the fall, I just have to trust my Daddy and be still and let Him speak. It is in my stillness and my silence that He does His best and most miraculous work.

When I don't understand the things that happen at work.

Be Still and Listen.

When I feel that my friends are taking my kindness for weakness.

Be Still and Listen.

When I am unsure.

Be Still and Listen.

When I feel left behind.

Be Still and Listen.

When I wonder if I will ever find someone "equally yoked".

Be Still and Listen.

When I am confused to the point of tears.

Be Still and Listen.

All I have to do, in the words of that esteemed child musician named Raffi, is STAR...Stop, Take a deep breath, And Relax...and just BE STILL AND LISTEN.

Amen.